Another label for my side bar? I think so.

This blog got me thinking about my own beliefs. I have become a lactivist and really didn't see it coming, mostly because, until I was really in the thick of it, I didn't realize there was a need for such a thing.
See, where I come from, breastfeeding is normal. My mom nursed us, my aunts nursed their children, my cousin nursed her little ones when I was a teenager and lived with them. It was talked about as commonplace. I remember one particular conversation where my uncle spoke scathingly about our neighbour, who sent his wife down the hall to the bathroom when she had to nurse their children while visiting our house. Casting my mind back there, I don't really remember giving a thought to the existence of formula. The only instances in which I knew it was used were instances where I was babysitting, so it made sense that I was given a bottle of something to give to the baby.
My first encounter with the breastfeeding vs formula controversy was when the aforementioned cousin put me on the spot, asking why a family friend with a baby the same age as hers wasn't breastfeeding. I remember having that deer-in-the-headlights feeling. I had no idea why she wasn't. I hadn't given it a thought. I got the distinct tone of disdain in her voice though and muttered something about her breasts being too small. It was the best I could come up with at 15, not having a sweet clue about any of this, knowing it was none of my or her damn business, but feeling like I had to defend someone I cared about. She told me that this wasn't possible and that EVERYONE can breastfeed. I changed the subject.
When I joined my online community and we started having children, I started noticing threads popping up where claws were bared by defensive formula-feeders and high-horses were ridden by self-righteous breastfeeders. It was also at this time that I first heard the motto "breast is best", which has always sounded weird to me. You see, to me, breastfeeding was normal, the way things were - there was no need for it to be best. I guess, as a young adult, I still didn't see formula as an option, but rather a back-up plan.
When I was pregnant the first time, I had my first run-in with someone who was anti-breastfeeding. My mother's neighbour made a snide comment about not allowing my mother the opportunity to bond with her granddaughter. When I asked my mother about it, she explained that her friend felt breastfeeding was a selfish choice on the part of the mother that disallowed the rest of the family from bonding with the baby. I knew this was nonsense, but I wasn't confident enough to speak up, so I just rolled my eyes and moved on. The same neighbour also made a nasty comment at my baby shower for Orin when I unwrapped a breastfeeding pillow. I didn't respond this time because I knew it wasn't worth it.
Luckily, as the women in my online community became more mature and better debaters, I learned a lot more about the overall cultural situation with regard to breastfeeding and realised really quickly that what I knew was not normal. Culturally, what I grew up with - many women in my immediate circle who breastfed, public breastfeeding being commonplace, men who are incredibly comfortable with breastfeeding and may be considered lactivists themselves today - is not what most people grow up with. I also learned of the many factors that sabotage women in breastfeeding - formula companies making false claims about their products, workplaces not allowing women the opportunity to pump (not to mention the whole maternity leave system in the US), the discomfort of the general public, the belief that not being able to breastfeed is common, etc.
I have, over the course of being a parent, become more vocal in favour of breastfeeding. I have encountered many people on both sides of the debate - some very vocal (I will never forget the crazy parents in Florida who stalked off angrily because they obviously felt I was trying to scar their toddler by sharing googly faces with her while nursing Isabel in a courtyard). Through these experiences in particular, I have grown more confident in my beliefs. What I have been careful not to do though is demonize formula or women who formula-feed - this is neither productive nor kind. What I do firmly believe is that breatfeeding needs to become normal for others the way it was for me because breastmilk is the most complete and appropriate food for human babies - just like cows milk is compete and appropriate for baby cows. For this reason, I make a point of breastfeeding in public with no cover on a regular basis. I talk openly about it and support others in their endeavours to breastfeed their babies - I do for others what my friends and family did for me.

Happy Belated World Breastfeeding Week!

We were on holiday during Breastfeeding Week. I had every intention of blogging a little something about it, but vacation fun got in the way.

I thought I might talk about the fight I fought in order to breastfeed my son.

There was no doubt in my mind that I would nurse my daughter and I did and loved every minute of it.

When I became pregnant again (a mere 4 months after I stopped nursing Isabel, it dawned on me one day), there was no doubt I would nurse that baby too. When we found out it was a boy, dramatically increasing the concerns with regard to NDI, my determination didn't waver. I read various places that there was no reason that a baby with NDI couldn't be exclusively breastfed (while being supplemented with water).

My boy was born and within less than a day, it was determined that he was dehydrating and there was little doubt that he had NDI and wasn't getting enough fluid from breastfeeding. This was the first blow to my self-esteem and determination.

He had an IV put in and then a central line, still breastfeeding on demand the entire time. Once he was hydrated enough, the medical intervention was gradually removed and we tried giving him water in bottles. For another two weeks, we tried a multitude of different solutions for getting Orin eating, drinking and, most of all, healthy. When things were at their worst, Orin wasn't really getting enough water from the bottles, preferred the flowrate of the bottle to that of the breast, so he fussed at the breast every time I tried to feed him, meaning he wasn't eating either. Neither of us was sleeping because, as he dehydrated again, he became fussier and fussier - I slept a grand total of 1.5 hours one day. I was slowly losing my mind. I was losing confidence in myself and my ability to take care of my baby.

At this point, the paediatrician suggested we may need to start giving him formula. The first time it was suggested, I couldn't speak. I burst into tears - I knew that they were suggesting it because they wanted to get him healthy and get us home, but this was not how it was supposed to be. I asked the doctor if I could have some time to think about it. I thought long and hard. I spoke to my husband. I spoke to friends. I fielded a phone call from a well-meaning family member, encouraging me to use formula because "it worked for her kids." I took about a day to clear away all of the fog - the mess of opinions, the worries that others would think I was putting an agenda before the needs of my child, the guilt and fear.

The next day, I gathered myself up and waited by Orin's bedside for rounds. I knew what I wanted to happen and I was going to make it clear to all parties involved so we were all on the same page. When the doctor came around, I told her that breastfeeding my child was incredibly important to me. It was what he needed (both as a human infant in general and as a child with a sodium sensitivity - breastmilk is surprisingly low in sodium). I told her about the bottle preference and that I wanted the breast to be offered to him first at all times - every time he woke, fussed, seemed remotely hungry/thisty. I wanted to get rid of the bottles altogether for a while. I had seen many babies in the NICU with NG tubes because they were unable to eat themselves for whatever reason (usually because they were premature and were still too weak and small to nurse). I suggested we put in an NG tube for water in order to keep him hydrated and redevelop the nursing relationship. Once breastfeeding was well-established, we could attempt bottles again. I stood next to my baby, stone-faced, wearing messy gym clothes (my uniform while in the hospital) and generally looking disheveled, but serious. Much to my surprise, she said yes. As it turns out, the specialist in Halifax had suggested the same thing quite early on, but the local docs wanted to try more home-friendly options first

I couldn't pump (just as I couldn't with Isabel), so to feed him through the night, I had to be accessible. For five weeks, I lived at the hospital, sleeping in a 5'x 10' room when it was available and a leather couch in a TV lounge when it wasn't. I missed my family more than I can tell you. I lost the trust of my daughter temporarily. I didn't eat, sleep or maintain myself in anyway for five weeks. I dedicated myself to breastfeeding my son and helping him become healthy enough to come home.

He was released for good on March 16th at 5 weeks 4 days old. He will be six months old tomorrow and is still exclusively breastfed. Every doctor who has seen him (and there've been a bunch) have exclaimed over how healthy he is and how good he looks and how big he has gotten. One joked that whatever I have on tap is exactly what he needs - I couldn't have said it better.

I wish I were as clever as he is...

I meant to post this ages ago, but just kept forgetting, so please do me the favour of setting your mind back about 6 weeks. It is just barely feeling springy out and we decided to head downtown for breakfast at Cora's.

I am standing in line wearing Orin in the Moby and waiting to pay. A woman in her late 50s or early 60s queues up behind me. She starts ogling the baby, as everyone does. When she notices the tube in his nose, she asks, as so many do, if he has a hard time breathing. I explain that it is a feeding tube, that he has a kidney condition that causes him to dehydrate and that we use the tube to put extra water into him. I mention, in a half-hearted attempt to cut her off before she could ask any of the predictable questions, that he doesn't take a bottle yet. She nods thoughtfully. We go back to our waiting stance. A few seconds later, she pipes up, asking, "How does he eat if he doesn't take a bottle?"
It takes me a second to process what she was asking. I respond as kindly as possible (because I am the type to wear my emotions openly and I want to avoid my incredulity embarrassing her), "Oh, he is breastfed." She stammers a little, apparently taken aback by my response, and suddenly seems to be totally engrossed in something in the far corner of the restaurant.
When I get outside, I tell Dave about our exchange. Without missing a beat, he blurts out, "Photosynthesis." I cock an eyebrow and allow this to sink in. I laugh heartily when I realise this is how he feels I SHOULD have answered "how does he eat?"
I really wish I could think of things like that as quickly as he does. A baby seems to make people think they have carte blanche to ask whatever they want (like my friend with twins who is asked regularly by complete strangers if they were conceived naturally or via fertility treatments), so having a few zingers like that in my pocket to be used as necessary would lead to a little less annoyance and a little more satisfaction on my part.

Lessons in bottle-feeding learned the hard way

Isabel wouldn't take a bottle - no way, no how, so I never used them. Bottle-feeding Orin's water has led to a few lessons, some learned the really hard way.

1) When traveling with a bottle full, while the cap keeps the nipple clean, it doesn't keep the bottle from leaking. Use that little blocker doo-dad to make sure you don't lose 3/4 of the water your child will need on a day when you are on the run. This will help prevent a great many tears from all parties involved.

2) The measurements on your average bottle are NOT accurate. They are all off by between 5 and 15ml. This may not matter to most, but it does to us. I always carry a bit more than I officially need and use the syringes for measuring as a result.

3) Venting systems are a god send when you are feeding in the volumes we are. The poor little bugger blew up like a balloon after just one feed if we didn't use a vented bottle. And, to be clear, the bottles that have a little hole in the side of the nipple and claim that is a venting system are crap.

4)Cleaning bottles is way more work than having a shower ;)

5) Bottle preference is a very real thing and can be a problem even after breastfeeding is well-established. I am very glad that I put my foot down and made my ultimate goal of exclusive breastfeeding very clear. Things have come together very well thanks to putting the tube in rather than pushing the bottle; he is gaining weight and meeting milestones and SO happy. That is what it is all about.