Tyger, tyger, burning bright....stick with mommy and I'll be alright.

Caveat - I read. A lot. This doesn't come as a surprise to anyone who knows me. Being a parent and a teacher, one of things I am reading the most about these days is parenting/teaching (there are many, many instances in both of my jobs where the two are indistinguishable from one another). Some of my most recent selections: Mayim Bialik's blog for TODAY, Raise Your Kids Without Raising Your Voice, Raising Cain: Protecting the Emotional Life of Boys, as well as many articles posted on PhD in Parenting and KellyMom.com. I also watched Babies yesterday, which was WONDERFUL. Some favourite reads from Isabel's babyhood are No Cry Sleep Solution, Happiest Baby on the Block and nearly anything by Dr. Sears.
When it comes to parenting, I've rarely said "I will never..." because that is often just an opportunity for failure. I've always had a vague idea of what I thought I wanted to do and be when it came to parenting though. Isabel was a handful because she is very sensitive and cautious and, in infancy, that was reflected in her fear of sleeping alone and her VERY strong desire to be held all the time. I had various people tell me that I was spoiling her and not doing her any favours. I was told that I needed to let her cry-it-out (the few times we tried it, when at my wits end, we ended up cleaning up vomit and - not fun for us and not fair to her, as far as I am concerned). I was told she'd NEVER sleep on her own, along with other such high quality advice.
It was at this time that I was incredibly thankful for my love of reading. I plowed through many books that came highly recommended by friend and foe alike. I held firmly to things that made sense, while still trying things that didn't necessarily. The thread through much of my reading that has resonated with me time and time again though is that babies follow their instinct and we, as a 21st century, "logical" society, find this inconvenient and frustrating. Oft times, this leads to extreme, sink-or-swim type measures, like crying it out.
How many courses have you taken where the teacher starts the course with the exam, giving you little assistance or insight into what is expected of you (and you are unable to deduce the expectations yourself)? What's more, you come back the next day and the exam is administered again. Next day? Same thing. And so on, until through trial and error, and exhaustion, you finally succeed. How much do you suppose you would learn from this experience? This is kind of how I see CIO (keeping in mind, I have tried it many times myself with both children with absolutely no success - possibly in part because I subscribe to Einstein's theory that "insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"). I think that the frequency with which children who CIO in order to learn to fall asleep on their own regress supports my theory that there is little learning that happens with CIO.
When we learned to recognize and value the instinctive nature of our babies, life was easier for everyone. Babies don't know that they are being born into 21st century Canada. For all they know, they have entered 2nd century Asia in a forest infested with Saber-tooth Tigers. Would YOU sleep away from your tribe if there were a chance of being eaten by a tiger? Would YOU be okay with your tribe wandering away, leaving you alone in this same, potentially dangerous place (while they go make supper in the next hut, for instance)? Go camping in a place where there's a bear warning and let me know how you do ;) (I may use this analogy a little too regularly as, when an issue like this comes up in our house, I can just say the words "sabertooth tiger" and my husband knows what I mean).
In all seriousness though, babies have ONLY their instincts to go on. They have no reason or logic or life experience with which to dampen their fears. And until they can run at about 1 1/2 or 2 years old, they have no ability to act on their "fight or flight" instinct, which leaves them only one option: stick close to those who CAN do these things. What does this mean? Well, for us, it meant co-sleeping, baby-wearing, an untidy house, a little less time on our own (though, over the course of a lifetime, a drop in the bucket) and very happy and healthy babies who cried less and still learned to walk, talk and sleep on their own (or are at least starting, in the case of Orin).
The more I read and observe and experience with my own babies, the more I realise that a lot of the things that we were told we "had" to do in order to raise "well-adjusted" children, was mostly stuff people did to make their own lives easier. I am not saying this is wrong and I am a strong advocate for balance because without it, everyone will be unhappy, but I found a lot of success when we approached scenarios like sleeping and potty-training as teaching. This meant taking into account the readiness of the child, the lessons that needed to be taught in order for the skill to be mastered and that it would likely take time (just as we wouldn't expect a teenager to be able to perform the part of Hamlet after only three days, why would we expect a toddler to be able to use the potty in that amount of time?). Once again, my Education degree to the rescue ;)

Apologies to all my Literary-type friends who are offended by my butchering of Blake. Heh.